Mistakes

I made a big mistake today. I won’t go into specifics, but it’s the kind of mistake that makes me nauseous. Ultimately, the cause of the mistake was that I doubted myself. I didn’t think I had done enough or was good enough, so I over compensated and in doing so, I believe I ruined it (though I’m still awaiting the actual feedback).

Trusting oneself is often difficult. It’s so easy to turn to that nagging voice in your head- the mean mother as I call it- and believe it. Believe that you’ve misstepped, believe that you’re unworthy, believe that you’ve done bad. When you enter your life from this perspective, you turn to actions that confirm this belief. You, like I did today, make a blunder to prove to yourself that you’re not ok.

In these sadder moments, what if you asked yourself “Is there a different thought I can think?” Perhaps you’d find that deep voice inside you, the one that knows you’re worthy, the one that knows you’re good (and you are those things simply by being a human) and make a different action, choose a different path.
I wish I had chosen to think a different thought today before I made my big mistake.

But now… now I’m sitting here anxious and upset. This is when I really get to test myself and truly decide what to think. So, I’m changing “I’m so dumb and screwed” to “There is nothing I can do about this but wait. And while I wait, I might as well embrace the present moment. And in this moment, I am ok.”

Just remember, we can chose the thoughts that consume us. Be careful with the thoughts you choose to hold on to.